It's been over a month since I have shared anything in this part of the blog. To be honest about it, what I have shared here is not as deep as I thought it would be. And of course I'm judging myself on that. Which of course is ridiculous and could use a sharing to look a bit deeper on where that comes from (Mother, Father or Twin-Sister?).

On the other hand, the journey has really been great so far. When I came to the South of France, the original plan was to go North. But because of bad weather, I decided to go to the only place where the sun was shining. It gave me a feeling of great freedom, to change my plan on such short notice. Contemplating on that freedom I could also feel it in having almost everything I own, with me in my van.

As I have shared here before, arriving on the camping just above Perpignan I did not immediately knew what to do next. Since I was developing some software for a customer, I decided I would keep doing that until I felt what to do next. After a week I opened the WorkAway app and looked at the hosts in the area, to see if there was some place interesting to go to. In the top of the list, was this Buddhist retreat center that I'm staying at for almost 5 weeks now. I decided to send them a message and two days later I was here. I'm having a great time here. There are a lot of nice and open people here, I love the jobs there are to do around here, the area is beautiful and I get a chance to know more about Buddhism. To not think about what I need to do next, but to feel it works out great.

Because all was OK, I thought there would be not much to share about my inner journey. But it is of course not (only) about sharing the hard times or the good times I'm going through. It's about whatever is happening inside. And there is always something happening. Therefore I just try to start writing whatever comes to my mind. A kind of one-way on-line sharing. So here we go...

Buddhism.
The retreat center I'm at is focusing on Tibetan Buddhism. Personally I find it quite complex. There is a lot of reciting Tibetan texts, which of course are impossible for me to understand. There is always a kind of phonetic instruction on what sounds to make for those who want to join in, but if I don't understand what I'm saying it doesn't feel right for me. There is also an English translation. When I'm reading that, of course I cannot join in the recitation. Apart from that, I find it very hard to understand the English translation, as there are many terms I never heard of. Like the three gems of Buddhism, the 10 non-virtuous actions, the eight-fold noble path and the five precepts. Not even to mention all the different names used for Buddha and all other teachers they know.
I've spoken to some people about this. That made for some nice conversations. Like about the idea that you could accept everything that happens in life, because the concept of Good and Bad is just how we look at things, they are not absolute values. It all depends on your point of view. All we get in life comes from the same source. So you either accept or reject it all, but don't only pick the good stuff out. Not saying that is easy, but if you can do it, it makes life a lot easier.
There is also the idea that you are your own authority. Meaning that you don't just accept anything anyone says without checking if that makes sense for you. Even not if they are very knowledgeable about the subject they speak about. I first heard this mentioned by my teacher in family constellations during the first day of training. He is a bald guy way over 50, so I suspect him of being a bit of a Buddhist as well.
In the meantime I'm also reading a little book (What makes you not a Buddhist by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche) which is a nice introduction. Also checking this web-site as it explains a lot of the terms used in Buddhism. And although I'm an almost bald guy way over 50, I have no plans of becoming a Buddhist. But there is a curiosity...